i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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