I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
