it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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