She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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