So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
