haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
