we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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