She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
