Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
