So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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