i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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