Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
