I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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