I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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