my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
