Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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