I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
