SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
