i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
