you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
