You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
