He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
