She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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