I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
