All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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