I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
