I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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