i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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