some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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