Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Will exercising make me less horny?
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