Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How many fucks given?
0.12846
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
