Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize