ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
