Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
