Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
