This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
