dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
