sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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