It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
