I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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