Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
