speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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