I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I will be naked everywhere
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
