take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
