am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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