I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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