She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
