I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
