I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
