He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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