she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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