hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize