I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
