you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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