So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
