why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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