You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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