so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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