I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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