you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
