if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
