I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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