Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
