my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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