i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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