Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
where am i from again
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
