Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
