Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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