I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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